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painting_wallsTitle: Five Times Jensen Tried to Lie to Danneel And One Time Jared Did It for Him (or How Jensen Accidentally Fell on Jared's Dick Multiple Times)
Author: painting_walls
Fandom: J2 RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~500 words.
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen own each other themselves. I probably couldn’t afford feeding them if I owned them.
Summary: Jensen tries to lie to Danneel, but she's not quite buying it.
Note: This was inspired by Little Britain sketches where in Sir Norman Fry (a character played by David Walliams) is always issuing statements to the press regarding compromising situations in which he has apparently been caught.
Note2:This is for siriusslash who has done awesome work on betaing my big bang story.
1.
”So you were...?”
”Adjusting the bulb in the lamp over the dining table since it flickers.”
”And Jared was there...
”Trying to help me,” Jensen explained.
Danneel raised one perfect eyebrow. ”And?”
”I slipped and he was catching me so I wouldn't fall on my head.”
”And he needed to do it with his hand inside your pants?”
”No. He was trying to catch me by my waist and his hand just slipped.”
”Looked like a very strategic slip.”
2.
”So, I hear you and your co-star have learned new tricks to amuse yourselves with during your breaks in filming?”
”Not that I know of.”
”Why is it then, that I keep hearing (deleted) about some very compromising positions?”
”No idea...”
”So there has never been any "hijinx" you'd like to tell me about?”
”Are you, like, talking about something you might have heard from the make-up girls? Because there might have been this one time when they walked in my trailer when I was there with Jared and, sort of, misinterpreted something...”
”Yeah, cause having someone's dick in your mouth can be interpreted in so many ways.”
3.
”He did not say that!”
”Care to enlighten me then, what exactly it was that I did hear over the phone last night if it wasn't what I think it was.”
”Jared was just asking if I wanted to have dinner.”
”Did he really?”
”He did.”
”So, did you really have his man meat for dinner since that seemed to be what he asked if you were hungry for.”
”He's just inarticulate. And the line was really bad yesterday.”
”I didn't notice anything wrong with the line.”
”And Sadie walked past me and Jared hasn't remembered to clip her nails.”
4.
”So Chad told me...”
”You know, he isn't the most reliable source.
”So I really need to forget whatever it is he said?”
”Yes.”
”So it's just "Murray speak" when he says "my motherfucking boyfriend loves riding Jared's big fat cock when I'm not there," just means that you and Jared are close in normal people's language?”
”Absolutely.”
5.
”Do I even want to know?”
”I tripped.”
”On your face over the couch?.”
”Yes.”
”And Jared?”
”He came to see if I hurt myself and he tripped too.”
”And?”
”I was sort of wearing only a towel since I just took a shower.”
”That explains why you were buttnaked, but what's Jared's explanation?”
”He wears his pants too baggy and they slipped off by accident. And that's why he accidentally penetrated me.”
1.
”So, why are you answering Jensen's phone?”
”I happened to be near it when it rang.”
”At two in the morning?”
”He forgot it in my room.”
”Because...?”
”Because he was here earlier running lines.”
”So could you take the phone to him?”
”Sure, he's right here. Just let me wake him... Um......I mean I'll just take it to him"
